The Grief Journey

Posted on October 1, 2019 by Sue Salach

Grief 1

Many people I’ve spoken with about grief think that there is a “time of mourning”. This would suggest a beginning as well as an end. I believe that grief is a journey that has no end date, it simply changes over time. There are many different stages of this journey, however; grieving a loss doesn’t come to some sort of end during our lifetime it merely changes as time travels forward.

Over the last decade as our family experienced several deaths, both expected and unexpected. I observed the reactions of family and friends to these losses. Based on these observations I created 4 grief reaction categories.

  • Action Heroes: these are the “get it done” grievers who spring into action, coordinating, communicating and arranging, as if being in constant motion will keep them from the painful reality of the loss.
  • Lamenters: these grievers bemoan their grief and cannot have any conversation without bringing awareness to their loss, focusing mostly on their guilt and regrets associated with the loss.
  • Frozen Stiffs: almost paralyzed by the loss they cannot be in action, nor can they bemoan their loss. They usually have a somewhat blank effect and are unable to make any decisions, even simple ones.
  • Disconnects: this category of mourners literally detach themselves emotionally from the situation and functions in a “business as usual” atmosphere.

Clearly, there is no right or wrong way to react to tragedy and, for those of us trying to support our grieving friends and family, we should keep in mind that grief is more of a marathon than a sprint.

Suggestions on how to help others in the days, weeks and years that pass after a loss.

  • Stay connected: reach out to those who are grieving especially during the year following the loss. Recognize important dates (birthdays/ anniversaries) of the person who is gone.
  • Give them permission to have fun: Sometimes we need to give others permission to laugh in spite of their loss. However; don’t push them too much to get out and have fun, they will need to do this in their own time. There will be times when they will want to and other times when they will not.
  • Sometimes there are no words and that is OK! You don’t always need to have something to say, sometimes just showing up and sitting with them can be enough.
  • Help them in finding support from professionals such as a grief counselor or Pastor. Offer to make the call to a counselor/Pastor for them. Though grief is a journey, some people can get stuck in the overwhelming feeling of their loss and need professional help to move them forward.

I’m sure there are many more ideas to support to those around us who are grieving so please feel free to post your ideas.

For more resources visit: Caregiver Life

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The Growing Silent Crisis: Working Caregivers Crying Out For Help

Posted on September 10, 2019 by Sue Salach
At a time when private enterprises are trying to increase productivity, reduce costs and enhance the quality of their products or services there is a growing crisis in corporations today that is preventing them from achieving their corporate goals. Few companies realize the implications working caregivers have on their internal costs and their bottom line. Still fewer companies even know where to look for these hidden costs. Only one in seventy midsize to larger companies knows how to address this issue.

The closest thing a company associates with the cost of caregiving to the company is the absenteeism reports. Even in cases where absenteeism is recorded, the relationship between the numbers of days missed by workers and the reason for the number of days is not clearly established. Absenteeism may be the most obvious cost to the workforce, but it is not the only cost or the most expensive cost. Other factors such as attrition, loss of good workers, increased health insurance coverage, overtime, and constant recruitment of new workers also cost the company and the workers.

The number of caregivers in the workforce has increased threefold in the last five years and will continue to increase in the next ten years. What we are seeing today is only the beginning and unless companies begin to help their working caregivers they themselves will not be able to keep their competitive advantage in the global economy. This is no longer a problem that affects only women in the workforce or lower income workers, but is a problem that exists at the CEO level as well as the lower administrative levels of the company echelon. This is a problem that also affects working men, and young and older workers alike. For years the problem has been handled by the mid level managers who have used leniency in granting permission for workers to leave early, come late, refuse to work overtime and while the managers have done their best to help good workers balance jobs and work the poor workers have been left alone to tackle the problem. For years the problem has been handled silently by the working caregiver who has given up promotions, careers, training opportunities to provide care to a family member. But these individual solutions are no longer appropriate or recommended.

The first sign of relief for working caregivers came with the passage of the Family Leave Act which allows workers to take time off to care for a frail family member. This law helps working caregivers by guaranteeing their jobs while they take unpaid leave to care for the family member. But it does nothing to educate, facilitate, support and provide the necessary assistance to working caregivers after the crisis situation ends. It does nothing for the company which loses a valuable worker on a temporary basis and is replaced by a not so experienced worker. Many working caregivers have forfeited this unpaid leave option because of the unbearable financial burden giving up a paycheck represents to them and even though they needed the time off they were not able to afford it. Many working caregivers are not even aware of the law that protect them from losing their jobs.

Many working caregivers have given up a job at a financial cost to be borne by them alone for years to come. Financial costs in the form of a lower pension or no pension at all, lower social security at the time of retirement and the loss of a job at a time in their lives when finding another job becomes almost impossible.
We have reached a point in the road that something should be done. On one hand government can pass a law to financially support the Family Leave Act by mandating that employers with more than 50 workers offer at least a portion of the time off with pay. California is the first state in the nation that has passed such a law. On the other hand, companies are requesting that the Mandates of the Family Leave Act be weakened in the form of less time off or plain dismissal. This is not going to solve the core problem, on the contrary, it will produce more absenteeism, loss of good workers and increases in health care coverage resulting from higher health claims by working caregivers.

The solution from the point of view of the working caregivers and from the financial perspective of the company is one and the same. That mutually beneficial solution is for companies to include in their benefit package a working caregiver assistance program. Those companies that have done it have achieved a higher degree of worker satisfaction, reduced attrition of good workers, have increased the quality of their products and services and kept the loyalty and goodwill of their workforce. For working caregivers this has been the answer to their prayers. They no longer have to miss work, come late, leave early, be on an infinite number of phone calls or spend their entire working day worried about mother, father, or husband at home.

In my years helping working caregivers have found that a successful caregiver support program goes beyond information and provides intervention, services and ongoing support tailored to the needs of each individual caregiver. I have also found that if corporations see this as an imposition, not as a quality control measure, they will never make the investment in the program. It is up to us caregivers to make the corporate world aware of our needs and to support efforts that will alleviate our ongoing burden. Contact your human resource department and find out what they offer in terms of working caregivers, and if they don’t, let them know that assistance exists to support corporations to deal with this challenging and growing crisis.

For corporations to maintain their competitive advantage in the global market they need dedicated and experience workers willing to give 120% to their jobs this is achievable is they now that corporations are willing to help with their family caregiving responsibilities. The rewards are there for companies that provide assistance to the working caregivers. This is an investment that at the end will save money and generate goodwill for all. (taken from an article written by Gema G. Hernandez, D.P.A.)

For more information on Education and Resources for Working Caregivers go to:
www.caregiverlife.com
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Don’t Get Scammed!

Posted on August 27, 2019 by Sue Salach

Widespread scams targeting bank customers nationwide. Use caution when discussing your personal information, especially bank accounts over the phone as you could be chatting with a scammer, disguised a bank employee.

Here are some ways you can outwit the scammer

Verify only your name and secret question.
Do not provide any additional account details. If they ask too many personal questions or ask for your full social security number, HANG UP!

Ask questions.
Asking questions like “When’s the last time I called you?” may prompt the fraudster to hang up.

Deny requests for a one-time passcode.
Most banks will never ask if they can text you a one-time passcode to verify your account. These scammers will.

Call your bank directly if something feels suspicious.
Tell the caller you need to call them back and ask for the number you can use.  DO NOT call that number until you look at your bank information from either your statements or their website and confirm that the numbers are the same.  I do this every time I get a call from any financial institution.

Better to be cautious than careless with your personal information. Stay safe out there!

Reference: Ally Bank

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This just in: CEO’s starting to see the need for increased wellness programs

Posted on August 20, 2019 by Sue Salach

I just recently ran across an article that stated employer’s are starting to see the need for increased wellness programs and that on the executive level.

It began with a survey that gauges employers’ attitudes and strategies on the different stages of implementing a wellness program and found that more senior-level executives are supporting the company’s wellness initiatives.

Here are the findings:

Senior management’s support of improving employee health jumped to 42% in 2010, compared with 6% in 2009, according to experts in Willis North America’s human capital practice.

In the survey, participants were asked to describe wellness program components, incentives, participation rates, vendor satisfaction and how program results are measured. The company polled 1,949 individuals and 71% of participants employed 500 or fewer workers.

“While it is encouraging to see organizational support at the senior level significantly increasing, the survey [also] indicates a need to focus programs on increased employee engagement,” says Cheryl Mealey, national practice leader of wellness consulting, at Willis North America. “Senior management is really starting to embrace the idea that our health impacts how we work, and how we work impacts our health,” she adds.

Survey participants ranked “management support and a strong internal leader championing wellness within the organization” as the two most important factors in maintaining a successful wellness program. Other key factors cited to sustain a strong wellness program included marketing and communication efforts, setting specific goals and strategic planning.

The need for strategic planning is rising because of the rising health care costs associated with so many things such as caring for family members with disabilities, elder-care issues, etc. and the stress involved in daily work/life issues.

Meanwhile, Mealy advises employers to invest more resources in training to assist mid-level managers to better understand the link between health and productivity.

She goes on to say “Our survey findings show that only 5% of respondents offer such training. The relationship an employee has with his or her direct supervisor is of paramount importance, not only in relation to engagement and job satisfaction, but also to overall health and well-being.”

Also, “Organizations need to rethink their incentive and communication strategies and determine whether their approach is resulting in compliance with a series of defined tasks, or true engagement in health improvement and ultimately in the success of the business. Increasingly, we are seeing that the two go hand-in-hand,” Mealey adds.

Other key findings from the survey include:

  • One-third of employers did not agree that financial rewards should be used to encourage healthy lifestyles, a 15% increase over the 2009 survey results.
  • Nearly 45% of participants reported insufficient time or not enough staff as the most significant barrier to offering a wellness program, followed by budget constraints at 43%.
  • Fifty-three percent of employers indicated they had some type of wellness program. Of those with a wellness program, 57% describe their program as “basic.”
  • Seventy-eight percent of employers reviewed their health care cost trends prior to implementing a wellness program.
  • Only 28% of responding employers have a specific and defined strategy in place to improve employee engagement in the workplace. Of the organizations that have a formal strategy, 64% considered their work-site wellness program to be an important part of their overall employee engagement strategy.
  • About 38% of survey respondents indicated they did not have sufficient data to calculate ROI.

If these issues are considered from executive leaders within the corporations and businesses and strategic plans are put in place to address these issues before a crisis the return on investment is huge. Increased productivity and a healthier work environment become a win-win situation for all involved.

For more information on this subject and more on implementing wellness programs go to www.aginginfousa.com.

Sources:

(http://ebn.benefitnews.com)

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Recognizing Caregiver Burnout

Posted on August 14, 2019 by Sue Salach

woman entrepreneur burnout-resized-600.jpgYou try to hide the feeling of being overwhelmed, however; caregiver burnout is serious and can lead significant physical and mental health issues.  It is critical to know the signs and take steps to take care of yourself.

Here are some signs of caregiver burnout:

  • Overreacting to minor frustrations
  • The constant feeling of exhaustion
  • Loss of interest in things you use to enjoy/ isolation from social gatherings
  • Decrease in productivity of work
  • Increased use of alcohol/stimulants
  • Change in eating or sleeping patterns
  • Scattered thinking
  • Feelings of resentment towards the person you are caring for
  • Being short-tempered with family members

If you see yourself in any of these points you need to make some drastic changes NOW before it becomes critical.

Some Self-Care Tips:

SEEK HELP!

Emotionally:

  • Support group.- Though it seems that you have no time to add another thing to your calendar it is important to make the time Group participants will understand how challenging the caregiving journey is and how hard it is, at times, to remain patient with the mental and physical decline of someone you love.  As well as how frustrating it is trying to “navigate the health care system”.
  • Get an “on-call” friend – ask someone in your close circle of friends to act as a sounding board (sometimes just a venting board) so you can release the pent-up emotions without concern of judgment or criticism.
  • Journal/Blog – sometimes writing things down can help you express your emotions. Sharing your emotions via a blog can help others in realizing they are not alone in their struggles with their care journey.
  • Consider counseling – this can assist you in dealing with the natural feelings that come with caregiving. Among these are anger, frustration, sadness, anxiety, and guilt. Some feelings are part of the grieving process you and your care receiver are experiencing.  Unfortunately, many caregivers don’t take time for counseling until their caregiving days are over. (If you are a working caregiver, counseling may be provided as part of your health insurance package so call your health insurance provider. Companies offering Employee Assistance Programs (EAP’s), may also cover counseling.  Caregivers age sixty or over may qualify for counseling under the Older Americans Act, Title III-B.)

Physically:

  • Ask for help – if you have other family members in the area call and ask them to help you with the care needs. Then LET THEM DO IT! Let go of the need to control because it is part of the cause of your burnout.
  • Respite Care – If you care for someone in a home setting you can hire a caregiver to come to the home to manage their care for a week or two. Consider as well scheduling a respite stay at an assisted living or skilled nursing facility.
  • Get a physical – Schedule an appointment with your doctor for a complete physical and KEEP IT. Though caregiver burnout feels more like an emotional issue, it can lead to serious health issues if left un-managed.
  • Get away – take a vacation, even if it’s just for a weekend or overnight stay somewhere away from your regular hectic schedule.

Find ways to take care of yourself TODAY!  Putting it off will only continue the downward spiral which can lead to critical, life-altering decisions and behaviors.

takecontrolPlease note: If you are feeling overwhelmed and are afraid you will hurt your care receiver if you don’t find help right away, (800) 971-0016 is a twenty-four hour crisis and information line
For more resources visit AlongComesGrandpa.com

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Caregiving and Dementia

Posted on August 14, 2019 by Sue Salach

Most common challenges associated with caring for a loved one with dementia:

  • Sleep problems and caregiver exhaustion are two of the most common reasons persons with dementia are placed in nursing homes. Causes of sleeplessness in dementia patients include pain, lack of exercise and activities, anxiety, agitation, or too much fluid or caffeine late in the day.
  • Urinary incontinence is the second leading reason that families institutionalize their loved ones with dementia. Urinary incontinence in persons with dementia should be evaluated for treatable causes, including urinary tract infections, electrolyte and calcium abnormalities, pro-static hypertrophy, and estrogen deficiency. A regular toileting schedule at two to three-hour intervals or verbal prompting may also alleviate this symptom.
  • Agitation and aggressive behavior have been reported in 65 percent of community-dwelling persons with dementia. Reasons for agitation or aggression include over-stimulation, physical discomfort, unfamiliar surroundings or persons, complicated tasks, and frustrating interaction, as well as more serious reasons as paranoia, delusions, or hallucinations.
  • Caregivers may be embarrassed or ambivalent about discussing inappropriate sexual behaviors exhibited by persons with dementia.
  • Persons with dementia are often reluctant to stop driving when safety is at issue.
  • Repetitious questions may be due to short-term memory loss and an under-stimulating/over-stimulating environment leading to anxiety, feeling out of control, or fear.

It is OK if caring for you to seek out housing options for your loved one, even if you promised you never would.  Caring for someone with dementia can be overwhelming when they are in a memory care facility, much less in their own home.  Seek out professionals who can help you find the right option for your loved one and that is convenient for you.  You were never meant to do this alone!

Information cited from the Alzheimer’s Association website

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Summertime tips for Caregivers

Posted on July 1, 2019 by Sue Salach

Seniors are especially at risk in high heat situations. Large stretches of the USA are experiencing extreme temperatures.

Here are some summer heat tips for helping elderly loved ones avoid heat stroke or heat exhaustion

  • Encourage fluid intake.* Water is best.  Pick up some bottled water to keep in their fridge.  It’s easy to grab and can help them track their water intake. Some fruit has a high water content (such as cantaloupe) is also helpful.  Remind them that sugary drinks, caffeine, and alcohol act as diuretics so fluctuating those fluids with water is key.
  • Make sure their air conditioning is working and turned on. Whether in an effort to cut expenses or because many older adults, especially those on blood thinners, get cold easily, they may not have their air conditioning turned on.  However; they may not recognize that being in air-conditioning can help them avoid heat stroke/exhaustion.  Explain the reasoning behind having the air on and then find them a sweater to wear in the house.
    • If they do not have air-conditioning, consider going to a mall, movie theatre, museum or city cooling center.  Another option is having them stay with a family member until the heat wave passes.
  • Take a cool shower or bath, especially in the evening before going to bed.
  • Wear light-colored, loose-fitting clothing that breathes.
  • Discourage activities such as cooking/baking in the oven as well as thorough housecleaning during heat waves. 
  • If going outside, apply sunscreen and keep it on hand for re-application.
  • Regularly check in on elderly relatives, friends and neighbors in person if possible. If you live far away, contact another relative or neighbor who can stop by and check on them.

Know the signs of heat stroke (i.e.: flushed face, high body temperature, headache, nausea, rapid pulse, dizziness and confusion) and take immediate action if you or your loved one is having any of these symptoms.

For more caregiving support visit AlongComesGrandpa.com

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Reconciliation and Your Well-Being

Posted on June 13, 2019 by Sue Salach

Growing up my family was very close. In typical Italian style, every Sunday was spent at my grandparent’s home in Chicago where random aunts, uncles and cousins (most of which lived on the same block) gathered for an amazing feast. My grandfather, the middle child of 5 had a younger brother named Chris who I had never met. Chris was rarely mentioned and when he was it was with a tone of bitterness. Confused by the paradox between the closeness of the family and the outcast of one member I once asked my grandmother why Chris was not a part of our close-knit group. She quickly replied that there had been a “falling out” and then promptly changed the subject.

Unfortunately for my grandma, I had a simple, yet profound follow-up question, “what happened?” To my surprise, she didn’t quite remember all that had happened but knew that it was bad enough to “break up the family”. I later heard that the “incident” involved Chris’s wife making a comment to someone else about my grandma, which had then been relayed to my grandpa through a third-party and therefore caused the rift. Shortly before my grandma’s death my grandpa and his brother reconnected and reconciled, at this point neither could tell you why they had stayed apart so long.

I share this example because, as an adult, I comprehend that the 30+ year divide was based on hear-say most of which most likely included Italian dramatization of the actual event. To some this may seem extreme, however; in my 20 year career I have met hundreds of families torn apart by a random comment, perceived offense or imaginary conflict. Stressed out people, especially those caring for an elderly loved one can misinterpret the comments and actions of others. In many cases, instead of trying to clarify the facts a grand story is created about the other person’s actions and intentions.

When we are in conflict with others, the conflict is really where we are. Many times the other person doesn’t even know that there is a conflict. The stress from these family feuds, if allowed to fester can cause major health issues. However; if addressed in a timely manner can more often than not be cleared up quickly.

Points to Ponder

  • Is there someone in your family that you are in conflict with?
  • If you looked at the facts of the incident(s) that caused the conflict what part did you play in the conflict?
  • What would you have to “give-up” in order to resolve the conflict?
  • What would become easier in your life if you were no longer a part of this conflict?

To really answer these questions one must first leave their pride outside and take responsibility for their part in the conflict. However; if able to realistically evaluate the situation and allow yourself to forgive others and be reconciled with them, you will be amazed at how much lighter you will feel.

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Caregiving – Learning from the Past

Posted on June 3, 2019 by Sue Salach

It’s amazing how insightful we are about situations faced in the past. Why? Because once  the chaos has subsided and the situation is over, we can analyze it from a new perspective.

However; when in the midst of challenges in our lives, the physical and emotional mayhem causes us to function more in reaction to, as opposed to careful analysis of, the situation.

When caring for someone we love there are several factors that come into play when making decision

  • Our emotional reaction to what is happening to that person
  • Our personal dynamic with that person
  • Our perceived role in the life of the person that is ill as well as in the overall family (i.e.: our birth order)
  • Our understanding of what is happening to them health wise
  • Understanding what resources are available and how to utilize them

Having worked with family caregivers for over 20 years, written 2 books on the topic, as well as having cared for several family members, I can tell you first-hand that even when a caregiver knows what they are doing and how to access resources, emotional reaction and family dynamics can often overshadow the judgment of even the most knowledgeable of caregiver.

Points to Ponder

  • You don’t get a “do-over” so dwelling on what you should or could have done is an exercise in futility.
  • You did the best you could in the face of the overwhelming tasks and factors involved in caring for someone you love.
  • Guilt is an unnecessary emotion that we “put upon” ourselves once we are on the other side of decisions made. The good news is you have the power to remove the guilt (see Letting Go of Guilt).

Even if you grasp an understanding of these points, human nature triggers us to over analyze and dwell on situations thus inducing guilt over the shoulda, coulda, woulda’s we come up with.

What can we do to stop the madness?

Utilizing the new-found Genius

  • Analyzing the past can assist us in being pro-active about the future care needs of other family members (see Pro-Active vs Re-Active Caregiving).
  • Understanding the challenges we faced can benefit others around us who are in the midst of the caregiving chaos by sharing our story and lessons learned from the experience.
  • Our experience can assist us in being more aware of our reactive tendencies causing more focused and fact based decisions in the future. (see Fear vs. Fact)
  • Utilizing our experience to assist us in creating a plan for our own future care needs. (see Wrinkles Memory Loss and Erectile Dysfunction)

Most importantly – Keep reminding yourself that you did the best you could, considering what you were up against!

For more support and resources visit CaregiverLife.com

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Best Mom Ever – Happy Mother’s Day

Posted on May 11, 2019 by Sue Salach

I have been blessed to have the best Mom in the history of Mom’s. Maybe I’m a bit biased (just a little), however; if you were to ask my friends from childhood through today about my Mom they would probably tell you the same thing.

me and mom

Most women have the ability to become a Mom (I unfortunately I was not one of them), however; I believe that some people are just born to be Mom’s. They have some kind of special DNA which makes them innately more gifted at the job than others. My Mom is one of those women born to be a Mom.

If you were to ask my Mom about herself she will talk about me, my sister, her grandchildren and son-in-laws without ever actually mentioning anything about herself. She always seems to be amazed at what a great family she has never realizing her love and support has been the cornerstone of our family.

She has always been my hero; facing the obstacles that life has thrown at her with strength and dignity (see One Word can Change Your Life). She is the kind of person who will show up for you when others are walking out on you. She will give you the shirt of her back and has literally given me the shoes off of her feet. She has taught me the meaning of unconditional love.

So in honor of her I want to share life lessons from my Mom.

  • A note of encouragement can make a huge difference in someone’s day (see Encouragement by Mail)
  • Always show up for others (even if you don’t think they deserve it)
  • Make family a priority
  • Family and forgiveness go hand-in-hand
  • Keep moving forward even when it’s hard
  • Unconditional love cannot be earned, it is given freely whether or not you think the other person deserves it
  • Encouragement is a gift you can give to anyone at any time
  • Be nice to everyone (AKA: kill them with kindness)
  • If someone doesn’t like you or want to be your friend it’s their loss not yours (this was one of my favorites)

Thank you Mom for all the love, support and encouragement you give so freely.

Happy Mother’s Day!!!

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Caregiving and Corporate America

Posted on March 5, 2019 by Sue Salach

With the growth of the elder population, it is imperative that vital eldercare education be provided to family caregivers in their communities and workplace, as this growth pattern negatively effects caregivers in both their home and work life. According to a MetLife Caregiver Cost Study (2011), at any given time, between 25-35 percent of the workforce is caring for a chronically ill or aging family member. Some experts expect this statistic to increase to nearly half of the workforce within the next 5-10 years. Statistical data illustrates that issues related to caring for an elderly loved one are costing US companies an estimated $17 to $26 billion dollars annually in lost workplace productivity (NCOA.org).

In other words: if employees are responsible for taking care of an elderly relative it WILL negatively impact their employers’ bottom line.

Due to the need to retain their income, family caregivers often come to work completely distracted and/or worn out. This is referred to as “presenteeism”. Presenteeism occurs when employees come to work but are unable to focus on their jobs. Workplace distractions are often triggered by an ailing family member in need of periodic check-ins throughout the day as well as assistance in household management along with coordinating doctors’ appointments and support services. Presenteeism for whatever reason, results in poor productivity and can reduce a workers’ productivity by more than one-third producing a negative effect on a company’s bottom-line equal to or greater than absenteeism.

According an Eldercare Survey by the Society of Human Resources Management (SHRM): 47% of HR professionals report an increase in the number of employees dealing with elder care issues and found that companies without eldercare benefits stand to lose $2,500 a year per caregiving employee. However personal this matter seems, the complexities of managing work/life balance for working caregivers has a significant effect on a company’s bottom line due to lost productivity, workday interruptions, absenteeism, worker turnover and replacement, low motivation and other factors. Caregiving negatively affects morale, productivity, and costs. As a result of caregiving responsibilities, a tremendous amount of talent, loyalty, and institutional knowledge leaves the workforce every day – either temporarily or permanently.

Informal caregiving is the foundation of health, social and financial assistance for older adults in the community. It is possible to help family caregivers balance their work lives with family caregiving responsibilities by providing resources and programs that acknowledge the lives of employees outside of work through the implementation of eldercare wellness initiatives. Employees who take advantage of educational and eldercare resources in their corporate/work environment are more productive and less likely to report negative caregiving impacts on their work performance. Of course, the programs are only helpful if caregivers use them. Education, resources and programs implemented before a crisis arises is the most advantageous way to maximize benefits initiatives for everyone involved, including the care recipient.

For more information (and solutions) about Eldercare Initiatives in your workplace please feel free to contact me via email Sue@caregiverlife.com

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Snow Days and Caregiving

Posted on February 19, 2019 by Sue Salach

Remember the excitement you felt as a kid when you got a snow day?! Your imagination101_0378 (2013_08_25 00_18_56 UTC) went wild as you fantasized of the snow fort you would make next to your perfect snow man.

Unfortunately as we age, snow days become less exciting and more of an inconvenience. Making sure your car starts, getting someone to look after the kids (who are overjoyed at staying home from school), keeping the house warm without breaking the bank, trying to get to work without getting into an accident with the jerk in the SUV going way too fast for conditions.

If you have an elderly family member that you care for, the weather causes an even bigger issue as they are at greater risk in snowy conditions and freezing temperatures.
Here are some tips to assist your elderly loved one during the winter season:

  • Set up grocery or (better yet) pre-made meals delivery service – this will make sure your loved one has the food they need on a regular basis and will
  • Hire a service or young neighbors to shovel or snow blow your family member’s driveway and sidewalks if there’s a storm.
  • Make sure their furnace is in working and turned on – Have a service come out to check the furnace (before there’s an issue) to make sure it’s in working order.
  • Connect with your loved ones neighbors – exchange information with them so that if you’re not able to get your loved one you can contact them to check in on them.
  • Ask neighbors if they would mind checking the mail every few days – this will enable your family member to stay inside and avoid the possibility of falling and breaking a hip on the ice.
  • Put a list of emergency numbers on their refrigerator – include non-emergency police, fire, immediate relatives and neighbors.
  • Create an emergency plan – if you are unable to get to your loved one during a severe winter storm, create a plan that includes who will check in on your loved one during the storm, where they will go in case of a power outage and who will be in charge of coordinating and implementing the plan.
  • Encourage fluid intake. – Heating a home can cause the house to become dry and cause dehydration. Pick up some bottled water to keep in their fridge. Remind them that sugary drinks, caffeine, and alcohol act as diuretics so interchanging those fluids with water is important.
  • Encourage them to wear layers and avoid going outside if at all possible. – If they must go outside wearing rubber soled boots/shoes for traction, as well as utilizing an adaptive device such as a 3 prong cane for support is helpful.

Regularly check in on elderly relatives, friends and neighbors in person if possible. If you live far away, contact another relative, neighbor or someone from their local church/synagogue who can stop by and check on them.

For more support visit CaregiverLife.com

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Break up with Fear

Posted on January 8, 2019 by Sue Salach

I recently heard this wonderful song by Francesca Battistelli called “The Break Up Song”, where she breaks up with fear.

Here are some of the song lyrics:

Sick and tired of being sick and tired
Had as much of you as I can take
I’m so done, so over being afraid

Fear, you don’t own me
There ain’t no room in this story
And I ain’t got time for you
Telling me what I’m not
Like you know me well guess what?
I know who I am
I know I’m strong, brave
And I am free
Got my own identity
So fear, you will never be welcome here

For anyone hearing these lyrics, they would be powerful. For me, as a family caregiver they are also insightful.  It’s easy to have faith when things are going well.  When the test results are good or the treatment seems to be keeping the illness at bay.  However, when the results are not as good as hoped for or a new issue is found or the cancer has spread, it can become a little more difficult to live by faith as opposed to fear and dread for the future.

As a Christian I attempt to live daily in faith. Faith that God will heal my mom’s cancer, keep my family safe from harm and bring friends out of the chains of addiction. However, it’s not always as easy to live into when the doctor visit brings bad news or the call comes in that a friend has passed due to addiction.

The Good News is that there is hope.  Even when my faith grows weary, I have others that I can lean on for support and who will pray for me and my family when I am too weary to pray because current circumstances feel overwhelming. There is a hope and peace that surpass all human understanding.  That hope comes from a loving God who sent His son to walk among us and die so that we may be renewed in Him.

As Francesca sings in her song If We’re Honest:

Bring your brokenness, and I’ll bring mine
‘Cause love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy’s waiting on the other side.

So, tell fear to take a hike and hold onto hope.  Surround yourself with those who will lift you up and encourage you.  And if you don’t know Jesus, seek Him.  Here is a resource to help you connect https://www.exploregod.com/

To hear Francesca Battistelli Breakup Song click below

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Keep Your Eyes Open this Holiday Season

Posted on December 17, 2018 by Sue Salach

Many elderly are able to mask declining health throughout the year because they are able to keep a fairly steady routine. During the holidays, when schedules are more erratic, family caregivers may be able to detect signs of physical and mental decline in their aging loved ones. Knowing what to look for is crucial.

Physical changes including balance issues, decreased strength as well as lack of attention to personal hygiene and appearance can be a sign that there is a potential problem.

  • When you pick them up or dropping them off take note of their home: is it unusually disorganized or unclean?
  • Are they having trouble getting in and out of the car or chairs at a relative’s home?
  • Are they unsteady when having to go up or down stairs?
  • Are they dressing in more casual clothes than they would have in past years, wearing items that are easier to put on such as sweat-clothes or seasonally inappropriate clothing?
  • Do their clothes have stains on them or an odor as if worn numerous times and not washed?
  • Is their hair unkempt, especially women who would usually have their hair done for special occasions?
  • Is there a change in their physical odor due to lack of attention to their personal hygiene?

Mental changes including lack of usual interpersonal skills or inappropriate responses to questions, as well as uncharacteristic silence can be a sign that something has changed.

  • When driving them to or from a holiday gathering were they ready when you arrived?
  • Did they seem agitated or distracted?
  • Are they struggling to keep up with conversation or staying quiet when they would normally share their opinion or insight?
  • Are they able to appropriately answer direct questions?
  • Are they unable to make simple decisions or asking others to make decisions for them?
  • Do they become easily agitated over seemingly small issues or challenges?
  • Are they able to appropriately name or identify family and friends?

Other pro-active observations:

  • Look in the refrigerator to make sure they have a sufficient amount of groceries as well as look for potentially expired items.
  • Check prescription bottles to see if they have been refilled, note if they were all filled at the same or multiple pharmacies.

You’ve identified some areas of change – now what?

Take action!

  • Talk to your family member about scheduling an appointment with their physician and tell them you want to go along. If you are met with resistance be firm but loving in your desire to accompany them.
  • In preparation for the appointment, make a list of all medications taken by your loved one and research the potential side effects, as well as consult with a pharmacist about possible interactions.
  • Sit down ahead of time with your loved one and create a written list of questions for the doctor and bring the list with to the appointment.
  • Make sure all of your questions are answered during the appointment.

Be an advocate for your aging loved ones by being pro-actively aware of changes and assisting them in finding resources that can assist them in maintaining an optimal level of independence.

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Grief, Loss and the Holidays

Posted on December 5, 2018 by Sue Salach

The Hallmark movies always conclude with some type of Christmas miracle and joy for the characters in the story, however; in real life many people are experiencing unimaginable grief and loss during this holiday season. The journey of grief seems to become heightened during the holidays many times by the desire to experience those Hallmark moments of peace and joy. For many they put on a happy face and push forward through the season not feeling very holly or jolly but not wanting to burden others with their overwhelming feelings of sadness.

Though it may not seem possible to some there are ways to enjoy the holidays while experiencing the grief.

  • Acknowledge the loss: it is unrealistic to think that you can go to events with family and friends and not recognize that someone is missing or that due to unforeseen circumstances things in life have changed. This does not mean dwell on the loss; just acknowledge the challenges of moving forward in spite of the loss.
  • Tell people what you need: firmly, yet lovingly make others aware of what you need from them. Whether it’s a listening ear, some time to yourself or the distraction of going to a holiday event, being upfront about your needs will assist other in understanding how they can support you through the season.
  • Give yourself permission to say “no”: you don’t have to attend every event, party or program you may be invited to.
  • Give yourself permission to have fun without feeling guilty: when struggling with a significant loss we can sometimes get so caught up in our sadness that we actually feel bad when we are enjoying ourselves. Experiencing laughter and joy this season, in spite of the loss is good not only for your emotional health but your physical health as well.
  • Take care of yourself FIRST: grief takes a lot out of us emotionally, mentally and physically so make sure you are taking time to eat, rest and play.

For those who want to support someone who is coping with loss I share the following story: I received a call Thanksgiving morning from my best friend and neighbor, Heidy asking if she could come down and talk for a few minutes. Upon her arrival she tearfully shared how sad she was that her dad, who passed away a few months back, would not be around to celebrate the holidays.

My response was to listen, share how sorry I was that her dad died and let her know that I loved her and was here any time she needed me. I didn’t try to talk her out of her grief. I didn’t try to cheer her up. I just made myself available. Most of the time that what someone really needs is to have a friend who cares and is willing to listen (and give hugs if needed).

Blog note: Keep in mind that the experience of loss can also include the pain of losing a job, home, relationship or physical abilities.

For more support and resources visit CaregiverLife.com

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Be Prepared to Wait

Posted on September 17, 2018 by Sue Salach

During the last few years I’ve spent in more than my fair share of time waiting in a loved one’s hospital room.   As a result, I’ve become somewhat of an expert in the waiting experience.   Instead of hording this knowledge I figured it would be beneficial to share.

Tips

  • Dress comfortably – wear loose-fitting clothes and comfortable shoes to optimize your comfort in the hospital room chairs.
  • Connect with the staff –stop by the nurse’s station when you first arrive.  Ask what time they think the doctor might make rounds, or if they already have what did they say.  Check in with them from time to time to see if there are any updates.  Let them know if you have to leave the room for any reason, like going to the cafeteria for a bite to eat, and give them your cell phone number in case the doctor should arrive on the unit just after you stepped off.
  • Bring something to pass the time – bringing a book to read (or puzzle book); downloading games on your phone can help fill the wait time.  Make sure to bring the charger for your phone or computer just in case your battery starts to drain.
  • Be prepared to spend the day – sometimes things go exactly as planned and you get to speak with doctors shortly after you arrive and/or any scheduled tests are done in a timely manner, however; more often than not, there are unforeseen circumstances that can delay tests and push back doctor rounds. My aunt had a specialist who liked to do rounds at 9pm.  Sometimes I was at the hospital for 12 hours waiting to speak to all of her doctors.
  • Make sure the kids are taken care of – schedule others to drop off/pick up your kids from school or extra-curricular activities.
  • Protect your back – bringing a small pillow for your back can ease the pressure caused by uncomfortable chairs.
  • Stay hydrated and nourished – a small cooler bag with water/soda and snacks will help you keep your energy up and keep you from spending unwanted cash in the hospital cafeteria.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask questions – We often forget that the doctor works for us and will be billing for their time.  Write down your questions and make sure you ask all of them.
  • Take notes – Jotting down important information can help you recall things that were said later.  Don’t be embarrassed to write things down.  A lot of information is coming at you and it is important for you to remember what has been said.  Ask them to repeat the information and/or spell names of medications, tests and diagnoses.  A
  • Ask them to explain – if you don’t understand something that is said, tell them.  You are not expected to know medical jargon or what every test is for.  Ask them the reasoning why they are running certain tests, what they expect to find out from the test and how quickly you will be able to get the results of those tests.
  • Create a mass information system – whether through Twitter/ Facebook, bulk email/text, let others know ahead of time which method of communication you will be utilizing to keep others updated.  This will keep you from having to make multiple phone calls to share the same information.

When someone is in the hospital it can be nerve-racking.  Being pro-active about filling your wait time and communication methods can ease some of the stress.

 

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Be Dementia Friendly – An Infographic! — Be Dementia Friendly: Where Safe Communities Are All The Buzz!

Posted on September 17, 2018 by Sue Salach

via Be Dementia Friendly – An Infographic! — Be Dementia Friendly: Where Safe Communities Are All The Buzz!

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Summertime tips for Caregivers

Posted on July 16, 2018 by Sue Salach

ElderlyHeatStrokeExhaustion

Seniors are especially at risk in high heat situations. Large stretches of the USA are experiencing extreme temperatures.

Here are some summer heat tips for helping elderly loved ones avoid heat stroke or heat exhaustion

  • Encourage fluid intake.* Water is best.  Pick up some bottled water to keep in their fridge.  It’s easy to grab and can help them track their water intake. Some fruit has a high water content (such as cantaloupe) is also helpful.  Remind them that sugary drinks, caffeine, and alcohol act as diuretics so fluctuating those fluids with water is key.
  • Make sure their air conditioning is working and turned on. Whether in an effort to cut expenses or because many older adults, especially those on blood thinners, get cold easily, they may not have their air conditioning turned on.  However; they may not recognize that being in air-conditioning can help them avoid heat stroke/exhaustion.  Explain the reasoning behind having the air on and then find them a sweater to wear in the house.
    • If they do not have air-conditioning, consider going to a mall, movie theatre, museum or city cooling center.  Another option is having them stay with a family member until the heat wave passes.
  • Take a cool shower or bath, especially in the evening before going to bed.
  • Wear light-colored, loose-fitting clothing that breathes.
  • Discourage activities such as cooking/baking in the oven as well as thorough housecleaning during heat waves. 
  • If going outside, apply sunscreen and keep it on hand for re-application.
  • Regularly check in on elderly relatives, friends and neighbors in person if possible. If you live far away, contact another relative or neighbor who can stop by and check on them.

Know the signs of heat stroke (i.e.: flushed face, high body temperature, headache, nausea, rapid pulse, dizziness and confusion) and take immediate action if you or your loved one is having any of these symptoms.

For more caregiving support visit CaregiverLife

*Image may be subject to copyright

 

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Recognizing Caregiver Burnout

Posted on July 12, 2018 by Sue Salach

woman entrepreneur burnout-resized-600.jpgYou try to hide the feeling of being overwhelmed, however; caregiver burnout is serious and can lead significant physical and mental health issues.  It is critical to know the signs and take steps to take care of yourself.

Here are some signs of caregiver burnout:

  • Overreacting to minor frustrations
  • The constant feeling of exhaustion
  • Loss of interest in things you use to enjoy/ isolation from social gatherings
  • Decrease in productivity of work
  • Increased use of alcohol/stimulants
  • Change in eating or sleeping patterns
  • Scattered thinking
  • Feelings of resentment towards the person you are caring for
  • Being short-tempered with family members

If you see yourself in any of these points you need to make some drastic changes NOW before it becomes critical.

Some Self-Care Tips:

SEEK HELP!

Emotionally:

  • Support group.- Though it seems that you have no time to add another thing to your calendar it is important to make the time Group participants will understand how challenging the caregiving journey is and how hard it is, at times, to remain patient with the mental and physical decline of someone you love.  As well as how frustrating it is trying to “navigate the health care system”.
  • Get an “on-call” friend – ask someone in your close circle of friends to act as a sounding board (sometimes just a venting board) so you can release the pent-up emotions without concern of judgment or criticism.
  • Journal/Blog – sometimes writing things down can help you express your emotions. Sharing your emotions via a blog can help others in realizing they are not alone in their struggles with their care journey.
  • Consider counseling – this can assist you in dealing with the natural feelings that come with caregiving. Among these are anger, frustration, sadness, anxiety, and guilt. Some feelings are part of the grieving process you and your care receiver are experiencing.  Unfortunately, many caregivers don’t take time for counseling until their caregiving days are over. (If you are a working caregiver, counseling may be provided as part of your health insurance package so call your health insurance provider. Companies offering Employee Assistance Programs (EAP’s), may also cover counseling.  Caregivers age sixty or over may qualify for counseling under the Older Americans Act, Title III-B.)

Physically:

  • Ask for help – if you have other family members in the area call and ask them to help you with the care needs. Then LET THEM DO IT! Let go of the need to control because it is part of the cause of your burnout.
  • Respite Care – If you care for someone in a home setting you can hire a caregiver to come to the home to manage their care for a week or two. Consider as well scheduling a respite stay at an assisted living or skilled nursing facility.
  • Get a physical – Schedule an appointment with your doctor for a complete physical and KEEP IT. Though caregiver burnout feels more like an emotional issue, it can lead to serious health issues if left un-managed.
  • Get away – take a vacation, even if it’s just for a weekend or overnight stay somewhere away from your regular hectic schedule.

Find ways to take care of yourself TODAY!  Putting it off will only continue the downward spiral which can lead to critical, life-altering decisions and behaviors.

takecontrolPlease note: If you are feeling overwhelmed and are afraid you will hurt your care receiver if you don’t find help right away, (800) 971-0016 is a twenty-four hour crisis and information line
For more resources visit AlongComesGrandpa.com

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Caregiving and Alzheimer’s: Asking the Right Questions

Posted on May 30, 2018 by Sue Salach

A frustrated friend called me for help while visiting her mother. Her

mother’s Alzheimer’s was progressing and she was exhibiting some, let’s say, wearisome behaviors (to my friend that is). It had been over a week and her mother refused to change her clothes. She and her sister had spent days going through her mothers’ expansive closet showing her all of the beautiful clothes she owned; yet she remained in the same outfit.

I ask her one question, “What is it about those clothes?” After a perplexed silence, she asked me to explain. I invited her to consider that, though her mother was confused, there could be a valid reason behind that particular choice of clothing over the plethora of other options. I recommended she ask her mother directly why she refused to change her clothes.

A few days later she called to share what she had learned about the clothes… Her mother spent some of her childhood in a German concentration camp. She had experienced the horrors of Hitler’s reign and the death of her parents, family and friends first hand. Everything she owned she could carry in her pants pocket. These items, though not valuable, were very sacred because they were hers. As her Alzheimer’s progressed she began to relive some of the fear and paranoia associated being the survivor of such an unspeakable trauma. I advised her to buy several outfits similar to the one she was wearing and donate the rest of her clothes to charity. She did and her mother started changing her clothes.

Another friend shared her frustration over her father’s need to wear the same jeans all the time. I advised her to ask him “Why those pants”. A few days later I saw her again and she said that her father explained that they were comfortable and that when he tried to find replacements nothing fit him right. Though she understood, the pants were well worn and had some good sized stains; and she added that she was ready to sneak into his house in the middle of the night and steal them so he would be forced to get new ones. I imparted a compromise. What if she dyed the jeans a dark color to cover the stains and make the pants more presentable? Then he gets to keep his favorite pair of jeans and she doesn’t have to be embarrassed about taking him out in the pants. She did and it worked.

Points to Ponder:

  • Have we tried to push our agenda on an elderly loved one due to embarrassment or frustration without asking some simple questions?
  • How can we create an atmosphere of communication?
  • What compromises can we come to that would work for both of us?

These tips can be applied to more than just caring for someone with Alzheimer’s. Take time today to ponder questions that could open up communication in the all the important relationships in your life.

Posted in against all odds, aging, caregiving, chronic conditions, disabilities, eldercare, encouragement, health care, making a plan, sandwich generation, unintentional caregiving, working caregiver | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments