I’m often asked what I do for a living as well as in my spare time. I puff out my chest and dramatically rattled off the following list: Author, Public Speaker, Blogger, Business Owner, Church Leader, Pastors Wife, Step-Mother, Caregiver, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
However, I should add one more thing to my list – Master Illusionist.
The question “what do you do?” brings about my check list of answers created exclusively by my ego and pride. It is an opportunity to project the illusion (or should I say delusion) that I am some kind of wonder woman with supernatural powers.
The impression of my life I like to project is something like this:
I daily awaken with a song in my heart, smile on my face and the energy of a speeding bullet, throw on my cape and jump into action heading out into the world to see who I can save. Or my alternate-ego of humble servant, just shy of Mother Teresa sacrificing myself for the well-being of those around me.
The reality looks more like this:
I wake up exhausted and VERY crabby, (my husband can verify this, he doesn’t speak to me in the morning in fear for his life). I usually only sleep for a few hours of sleep, because of my constant mind-chatter. I check my calendar and pray that I didn’t forget to put in an appointment or accidentally double book myself. I create an overloaded to-do list that includes roll-over items from the days/weeks before. I attempt to answer messages left on one of 2 phones or emailed to all 5 of my emails, then race out the door hoping not to be late.
Lately, I have been trying very hard to take my own advice and set boundaries that will remove items on my plate that didn’t belong there in the first place in order to be effective in the things that I really want and need to accomplish both personally and professionally.
I want to project this image of myself as the Great and Powerful Oz, however; I’ve realized that I am merely the woman behind the curtain. Much like the movie, starring Judy Garland, I try to project an image of having it all together, however; recently my curtain fell and I’ve been exposed.
Now, with my curtain down and broken Oz projector, I can no longer pretend that I have it all under control because, truth be told, I never really did. (I’ve heard that admitting it is the first step to recovery!)
Admitting this via TheWorkingCaregiver, is my way of putting my oxygen mask on and stepping out from behind my curtain to experience a healthier life. It doesn’t mean I don’t still have all of those titles in my life, it just means that I want to take a healthier and more realistic view of what is important.
So what’s playing on your Oz projector?
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