Beware the pitfalls of “New Love” after Tragedy: Helping those you love make careful considerations

Since it’s almost Valentine’s Day I have been looking for stories to share on the subject of “love” or “finding love.” Here is a great article I found that makes some great points when considering “taking the next step.”

(taken from Pam Rainey, Finding Love After Tragedy)

“It’s always nice to see a friend find love the second time around. When we’ve watched them go through the devastation of losing a mate by death or divorce, it can be thrilling to see their new love story unfold.

At the onset of the new romance, there’s a renewed pep in their step, a twinkle in the eye. They dress up more and pay better attention to their grooming. They giggle like teenagers when planning to introduce their extended families to each other.

Perhaps you hear that friend talk about a long-term relationship, even marriage.

But, hold on — could things be moving too fast?

An open, honest dialogue is required when discussing subjects such as marriage — a dialogue many of us want to avoid. Senior adults should consider and discuss some of the following points if they are serious about taking another trip down the aisle.

Self-help expert Larry Bilotta, who shares his marriage-saving tips at conferences throughout the U.S., often talks about the “second divorce rate,” which stands at 60 percent. In an article published on his website, he says, “It’s been proved the second marriage divorce rate is statistically higher than that of first marriages because of a few simple, yet crucial mistakes people make when they enter second marriages.”

He goes on to give some tips that should be considered by couples when contemplating a second marriage:

1. Make sure you really know who you are marrying.

2. Make sure your beliefs about religion, money, sex and disciplining children are the same or compatible.

Many couples over the age of 60 are being advised by their attorneys to consider a prenuptial agreement. Using the word “prenup” might make your partner feel like cold water has been thrown in his or her face. However, a prenup could be a great idea, depending upon your circumstances.

CNN.com writer Jeanne Sahadi suggests several reasons couples should consider consulting an attorney prior to exchanging wedding vows. “It allows couples to get their financial lives out on the table, which is never a bad idea, since marriage is as much an economic contract as a social and spiritual one,” she says.

Many may wonder what a prenup is. According to local attorney Sara Bagheri with Duane L. Coker & Associates, “A well-drafted premarital agreement can override your states’ community property provisions and allow a couple to create an arrangement that suits their needs now and into the future.”

She continues: “Approaching a second or third marriage, there are considerations younger couples never dream of, including the interests of grown children, tax liability and entitlement planning for programs like Social Security and Medicare.

“Given the complex considerations for such marriages, it is advisable that a couple consult with legal and financial professionals to grain a complete picture of how a premarital agreement might work in their particular case.”

Prenuptial agreements are personal, and couples entertaining the idea of a second marriage should consult an attorney before making a decision on whether or not to devise a prenup.

Love at any time in life is a rare gift to be treasured. David Viscott said, “To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.” However, it is always a good idea to think about what tomorrow could bring.”

Resources:

http://www.dentonrc.com/sharedcontent/dws/drc/entertainment/stories/DRC_Rainey_Column_0206.12ada5cc7.html

PAM RAINEY is a 40-year Denton resident and a real estate agent who has helped many seniors make decisions about living arrangements.

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About Sue Salach

Sue has a Master's degree in Gerontology and has worked in the geriatric healthcare field for over 25 years and is the Author of "Along Comes Grandpa", a caregiving resource guide, and the novel "If I Walked in Her Shoes" (http://www.AlongComesGrandpa.com). As a Keynote Speaker and Corporate Trainer, Sue employs her comprehensive experience and enthusiasm to assist corporations in finding solutions to work/life balance challenges and pro-actively educate and empower their employees.
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