Boobs and Bowel Movements

Posted on May 16, 2013 by

My sister shared with me that when she called our Aunt to wish her a “Happy Birthday” her reply Laughing-And-Crying-Facebook-Covers-1329was “I had a bowel movement today”, to which I commented “well then that was a happy birthday for her wasn’t it”.  My Aunt has had multiple health issues over the last few years and has spent more than her fair share of time in hospitals and rehabs; anyone who has cared for someone in these settings know that the staff asks certain questions on a daily basis one of which is “did you have a bowel movement”.  As some point sharing this information just becomes second nature.

The irony of the conversation we were having is that we were sitting in a Dr.’s office with my Mom, a breast cancer survivor, while she was having a follow-up to her recent hospital stay.  Because of her breast cancer and the surgeries that followed we have also spent a lot of time accompanying my Mom to her appointments which consist of everyone who enters the room checking her boobs.  My Mother has always been a private person, however; since her diagnosis we often joke that she’s come to flash anyone who walked into her hospital room (including housekeeping).  I remarked to my sister that “As caregivers our lives have become boobs and bowel movements”, to which my Mom replied “sorry about the boob part.”  

Don’t take my joking to mean that I don’t take either my Mom or my Aunts health challenges seriously.  They are very serious and I have spent many a sleepless night praying that God will heal them and I will get many more years with these amazing women.  However; having worked in healthcare for well over 20 years I also realize that the appropriate use of levity can put others, as well as me, at ease. 

When things get too serious humor can help get us through the tough times without losing our minds. Studies have shown that using humor and being able to laugh during stressful time can:

  • Improve brain functioning
  • Blood pressure initially increases when we laugh, however; after the laugh it decreases to levels below normal
  • Protect the heart
  • Foster instant relaxation
  • Connect you with others

Norman Cousins, in his book Anatomy of an Illness, also noted that 10 minutes of belly laughter (just counting the laughing time) would give him two hours of pain-free sleep. Over a dozen studies have now documented that humor does have the power to reduce pain in many patients.

Humor draws attention away from the source of discomfort–at least momentarily and for those of us struggling to support and manage the care of those we love, it can be just what the doctor ordered.

Posted in aging, boomers, caregiving, caregiving and stress, Funny, healthcare, It's fun to laugh | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Guest Post: Recognizing Early Symptoms of Degenerative Eye Diseases

Posted on May 14, 2013 by

eye-disease-659x461As we age our eyes tend to become less efficient and more prone to degenerative diseases. One in 6 adults over the age of 45 will experience some sort sight-threatening problem, the three most common degenerative eye diseases being Glaucoma, Cataracts, and Macular Degeneration. Fortunately many eyes diseases share common symptoms of their onset. Caregivers should keep an eye out for those that complain of irregularities in vision or they should recommend regular appointments with the optometrist as eye afflictions are usually hard to spot until they are severe. Here is a list of the most common signs of degenerative eye diseases.

  • Faded Colors – If colors seem to be diminishing or are not distinguishable you could be experiencing early symptoms of a cataract, macular degeneration, or another eye disease. It is important to get this treated quickly. Nearly every case of color blindness that is not genetically inherited is caused by the severe onset of another eye diseases.
  • Double Vision – Seeing double of an object is a commonly reported sign of macular degeneration, astigmatism, glaucoma, and a few others. It is important to diagnose this early on because, depending on the disease, it might be easily treated. In the case of astigmatism people might mistake it as genuine double vision when in reality astigmatism is defined as two perpendicular planes with different foci. In other words it’s like looking at your TV screen through an odd-shaped glass-it looks blurry or ghosted.
  • Visual Hallucinations – This is one of the surest signs of macular degeneration which is the leading cause of blindness in Americans 65 or older. Visual hallucinations may randomly appear as spots of color rather than objects. It is a sign of excess pigment in the macula or severe thinning of macular tissues. Our macular tissues tend to thin out as we age but not everyone experiences noticeable problems early on, making it a more difficult disease to spot.
  • Shadowy Spots in Vision Dark lines or spots in vision can come and go as we get older and too many people label them as harmless or just something that happens as you get older. This is not the case as these spots are usually a sign of optic nerve disease, glaucoma, macular degeneration, or another harmful eye affliction. If these spots start to make a noticeably regular appearance in your vision see the doctor immediately.

As caregivers it is the responsibility of you to look after your patient or loved one because all too often they try too hard not to be an inconvenience. As mentioned above eye diseases can very hard to spot early on so it is important to constantly ask the patients how things are looking.

griffGriff Haeger is a health writer who got pink eye when he was only 9 years old and has since been very conscience of his eye health. He enjoys sharing his knowledge with others through researching and writing about various eye diseases such as Macular Degeneration.

Posted in aging, caregiving, chronic conditions, eldercare, elders, health care | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Don’t Panic

Posted on May 10, 2013 by

crazy-woman-driverIt was 8:15am when the call came.  My Aunt’s caregiver was calling to tell me my Aunt had fallen and 911 was called.  I quickly got dressed and headed to the hospital.  Pulling out of the driveway while searching my purse for my phone, I realized I hadn’t even looked back to make sure there was no-one crossing the sidewalk.  In that moment I pulled the car over, put it in park and did self-check.

My thoughts and my heart were racing as I was caught up in the chaos of the moment.  The next thing I did took only a few seconds but made a huge difference… I took a deep breath held it for a second and let it out.  That brief moment not only helped to clear my head but also calmed me down physically.

As caregivers we can end up living into our reactions as critical situations arise.  Because of this we can end up not only making knee-jerk decisions but put ourselves (and others) in danger especially when driving in a panicked state.

Here are some helpful tips to help focus in the midst of chaos:

Breathe –Taking a moment to take a deep breath in and out can clear your head, lower your blood pressure and help you to focus on what needs to be done.

Ask Questions – Questions help to clarify what is really going on and can assist you in taking the next steps.

Make a Plan – Create a list of potential next steps in regards to the situation.

Call for Help – Part of the plan needs to be asking for help. Example: On my way to the ER I called my Mom to inform her of the situation.  She shared that she was running a fever and was going to the doctor.  After asking questions I thought it a good idea if someone went with her to the doctor, as I was headed to the hospital I called my husband to coordinate him taking her and, depending on how long things took at the ER, I would meet them there.

Take Action – Though our first reaction is to take action, taking time to follow these steps can help determine a logical course of action.

Communicate – Keep those you’ve ask for help updated about the current situation and any changes in the plan.  (The nice thing is that with modern technology you can send a group text to update others.)

Being able to go through these steps takes practice during non-emergent situations.  If you start practicing these steps daily in other areas of your life they will become a pattern of behavior that, when the emergency arises will be easier to work through.

Posted in aging, caregiving, caregiving and stress, eldercare, health care, sandwich generation | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Become Your Own SuperHero

You are spend your day being a super hero to those around you, however; being everything to everyone can wear you out. By being your own super hero first you rejuvenate your powers which can make you more available to help those around you

Video | Posted on May 9, 2013 by | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Pro-Active Crisis Management

Posted on April 29, 2013 by

emergency2During a recent conversation with a friend he shared how frustrated he was that, during a medical crisis with his father-in-law that required emergency surgery; no-one asked any questions of the surgeon about potential future consequences or complications.

I’ve often shared with family caregivers that, prior to their loved ones doctor’s appointment, they should write down any questions they have about medications, side-affects, current health issues and so on.  However; until this conversation I had never thought about doing the same thing during a medical crisis.

While in the midst of a crisis everything seems to be happening at the speed of light, however; take a moment to step back and a deep breath and ask the following questions before they take your loved one to surgery (note: these questions should also be asked prior to scheduled surgery as well)

·         Is this something that my loved one would want to have done? (see FYI about POA & The Chosen One)

  • What is the reasoning behind the surgery?
  • What is the expected outcome?
  • Will having the surgery increase their current quality of life?
  • What are potential complications?
  • What is the worst-case-scenario outcome?
  • Could the surgery cause other issues in regards to their physical and mental capacity? (i.e. potential for stoke or memory loss/impairment)
  • Are there other options besides surgery?

Ask follow-up questions, as well as for clarification of answers given by the medical staff if you do not understand the answer you receive. You have the right to fully understand what is happening and what will be done to your loved one during the procedure.

If the decision is made to go ahead with the surgery, then utilize time in the waiting room to write down any and all questions you have taking into account potential positive and negative outcomes.  There are no stupid questions when it comes to the care of someone you love.

That being said, the optimal way to stay calm and make informed decisions during a crisis is to have pro-active conversations with your loved one about what decisions they would want made on their behalf prior to the emergency and write it down (see What if?).  Don’t wait until the crisis occurs have the conversation today!

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Forgiving Myself

Posted on April 25, 2013 by

power of forgivenessI was talking with a friend about a falling out he had years ago with a family member.  I shared with him my thoughts (and a couple of my blogs) about forgiveness shared that forgiveness is about him and not about the other person.  During the interaction he said “It sounds like you have an easy time forgiving others” to which I replied “I do forgive others fairly easy, the only person I have a problem forgiving is myself”.  There is was my Light bulb moment!

I have been a national speaker for years, helping countless caregivers create boundaries and let go of guilt.  I’ve shared tips on self-care, positive self-talk and empowered them to treat themselves better and here I am holding on to un-forgiveness against MYSELF!  I quickly realized that the un-forgiveness I held onto from my past mistakes was getting in the way of being able to live a full and healthy life.

We’ve all made mistakes (see Mistakes will be Made) we wish we could take back, however; the reality is, the mistake has already been made, the deed has been done, there is no magic wand that allows us to go back and re-do it to create a different outcome.  We can play the shoulda-coulda-woulda game but it’s really just an exercise in futility because what’s done is done.  However; by not forgiving ourselves we remain in bondage to guilt and self-doubt. 

Here are some points to ponder to practice self-forgiveness:

  • Was I doing the best I knew how at the time and considering the circumstances?
  • Did I mean to hurt someone else by my actions?
  • Are others still holding my mistakes against me? (99.9% of the time the answer is no)
  • Will holding onto un-forgiveness change the outcome? (again you cannot go back and re-live the situation so the answer is “no”)
  • If someone close to me were holding onto their past mistakes what advice would I give them to help them resolve the un-forgiveness? (Then give yourself the same advice)
  • What can I learn from the mistakes that were made that can help me make different choices in the future?

Really evaluate these questions and then recruit a close friend or family member to help you in not only letting go of the mistakes but releasing yourself from the guilt associated with the situation.  Choosing to forgive yourself allows you to move past obstacles in that you would not have otherwise moved past without doing so.

“Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.” -Leo F. Buscaglia

Posted in caregiving, caregiving and stress, forgiveness | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

To Serve and Protect

Posted on April 22, 2013 by

women-in-combat-cartoon-zyglis-495x399Just like becoming a member of the US military is a choice, so is it a choice to care for an elderly loved one.  Once that choice is made, you then have a duty serve and protect those you love, however; that does not mean you have to do it alone. 

In order to best serve the person you are caring for, and in staying with the military analogy, I’m partial to the concept of creating a caregiving platoon.  In other words, creating a group of people working together for the greater good.

Once your “platoon” is assembled you can then assign roles to each person in order to create the best outcome.  Do this by evaluating the strengths of each person in order to find  the best way to utilize their skills,  for example if your sister is great at researching the best doctor, services or programs for your loved one then that would be their “job” in your caregiving platoon.

Now that you’ve created your platoon you can turn your attention to protecting your loved one from perceived threats.

These can include but not limited to:

  • Fraud/scams – check with your local police department or local area agency on aging to find out what are the current scams that are targeting seniors.
  • Abuse: financial/physical (see Recognizing the Signs of Elder Abuse)
  • Healthcare: Assess your loved ones current physician(s) to identify which ones may not be working in their best interest (ex: scheduling un-needed follow ups, or prescribing too expensive or too many medications).
  • Evaluate future needs: Consider potential future health threats based on family medical history. Investigate LTC insurance, pro-actively plan for future needs (see what if)

Caregiving can be overwhelming for one person to do alone, however; when you create and employ your platoon it can relieve some of the burden, decrease the stress and free you up to truly spend time with the person you are caring for.

Posted in aging, caregiving, caregiving and stress, health care, healthy living, sandwich generation, work/life/flex, working caregiver | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment